Friday’s Jokes and Quotes – Spring Cleaning

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.” Phyllis Diller

“I clean the [hotel] room before the maid comes – you will never find laundry on my floor.”
Scarlett Johansson

“Your home is a garbage processing center where new things are purchased and slowly demoted through various stages of trashification until you’re done.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“I’m a neat freak. I’m constantly rearranging the pantry and cleaning up around the house.”
John Mellencamp

“[My mom] was big on cleaning stuff, which is actually a disservice in a way. Because when I got my first place I had pizza boxes and Coca-Cola bottles all over the place. I just didn’t have those skill sets. I was like, ‘Wow, this is weird because usually I put this down and tomorrow it’s gone, but this thing ain’t going anywhere.'”
Vince Vaughn
“I will clean house when Sears makes a vacuum you can ride on.”
Roseanne Barr

“I’m an organization freak. Cleaning out a drawer…makes me feel calm and sorted. I remember organizing my toys when I was seven years old.”
Reese Witherspoon

Originally Speaking – Public Speaking Tips

Tomorrow I am honored to be presenting a workshop on public speaking skills to Americorp Members at United Way of Southern Nevada. The purpose of the  workshop is to help the members better articulate the mission of the Americorp and the goals of the site that each one represents. The following is the Agenda for the seminar.

Originally Speaking – Public Speaking Tips (PDF)

1. Ask yourself what is the purpose of the speech. (To inform, motivate, persuade, entertain, etc.)

2. Know your material

a. Research your topic

b. Narrow the information (don’t be too general)

3. Write your speech

a. Introduction

b. Body

c. Conclusion

4. Rehearse your presentation

a. Practice your speech as if you were giving it to a live audience

i. Limit audible pauses (ah’s, you know, write, it’s like)

ii. Practice your grammar

b. Record your presentation (video or audio)

i. How did you deliver the speech?

ii. Was it smooth or disjointed?

5. Speaking

a. Projecting

i. Volume

b. Vocal variety

i. Don’t be monotone

c. Pace

i. Don’t talk too fast or too slow

ii. Vary the speed for effect

6. Gestures

a. Posture

i. Stand up straight

b. Hands

i. Placement of hands

c. Movement

i. Move to make a point

ii. Don’t pace back and forth

iii. Don’t sway back and forth

7. Eye Contact

a. Look at the audience

8. Know your audience

a. What is the purpose of the meeting?

b. What are the audiences political, religious, philanthropic, etc. tendency’s

9. Dress for success

a. Dress professionally

10. Have Fun

Nothing Funny About Clutter

·         Fibber McGhee and Molly a radio show that ran from 1935 to 1959 had a running joke about their closet that was so full that every time they opened it stuff would fall out and Fibber would say, “I gotta get that closet cleaned out one of these days.” But he never cleaned out that closet. The bit was funny and has a lot of truth to it. Do you have a closet that needs to be cleaned out? I do. I have a whole house that needs to be cleaned out.

I moved into the house I grew up in a few years ago and as wonderful as it is I also inherited almost fifty years of stuff from my parents. For sentimental reasons I put much of it aside because I didn’t want to deal with it right after Mom passed away. The problem is with their stuff combined with my stuff there isn’t enough room for all of it in the house. So I am constantly moving things from room to room depending on the occasion. When my cousins come to visit I move what’s in the guest room out to the party room so they have a place to stay, but move it back into the guest room when I am entertaining. Not only does it physically wear me out but the stress of the clutter hampers my ability to do the things I should be doing not to mention the time it takes to constantly shuffle it around.

I joke that I am a hoarder and even though I am by no means considered a hoarder I do feel the burden of my clutter. Recently I have been trying to fix up the house that I had neglected the last few years while concentrating on my mother. Every time I started a project I took so much time looking for the tools I needed because I didn’t have a place to store and organize my tools where I could find them. So last weekend I decided the next project around the house was to clean out the tool shed that was being used as a storage unit. I took everything out of the shed and we divided it up between three piles. Throw away, donate and keep. Because the stuff in the shed had been there so long the majority of the stuff we took to the dump, then the second load went to Goodwill and the third and smallest pile I organized and found a place for it. It felt so good to clean out that shed and make room for my tools. The shed is organized and i now will no longer have the stress and use up precious time looking for the right tools.

It’s funny, the more I held on to stuff for sentimental reasons the more stress I created for myself. Taking the time to determine what is worthwhile to save and what needs to go helps to add extra value to the things you keep for sentimental reasons.

The more I get rid of things the easier it is to relax and maintain my sense of humor and a positve outlook.

Humor is everywhere

It is important to maintain your sense of humor, especially those days where it seems dull and drab and we are just going through the motions. By finding humor during those uninspiring times we can get ourselves out of are rut with the use of humor. humor gives us a different perspective that can help change our attitude and get the creative energy flowing again. Humor breaks the mundane. So the next time you are just going through the motions try and find something to laugh about and see if you start to feel a little more alive.

Public Performance

Dear Readers,

I would like to thank everyone who came out Friday to Comedy and Motivation. I had a great time presenting “That’s Showbiz” I look forward to my next show. over the next few months I will be posting some of the thoughts I shared with the audience about the lessons I learned from my parents in show-business that you can take into your work to be a success.

Thanks,

George

That’s Showbiz part 1

That’s Showbiz

Lessons I learned growing up in a show business family and how those lessons can help you achieve success.

Lesson 1. Always be prepared to perform.

We were driving to Orange County; my parents were performing at Disneyland Hotel that night. I was bored and trying to sleep in the backseat when I heard my dad say to my mom. “Georgie would be great for this show tonight.” I didn’t want to perform. My only other public performance was a few months prior in my 6^th grade talent show that I had to perform in for a grade in music class.  I was happy I got some laughs from the students and a passing grade in class and I was going out on top. Now my parents are talking about me doing my little stand-up comedy routine on a professional show with them.

When we arrived they told the booking agent that I was part of their act. I wasn’t I had a little stand-up comedy routine that my parents helped me with for my music class in school and now they have me performing at Disneyland Hotel.

The MC (Master of Ceremonies) asked my mother “How do you want me to introduce Georgie? Do you want me to tell them he’s your son?”

She replied, laughingly, “No, Let’s see how he does first.”

No, pressure!

For a couple of hours I was going over and over my comedy routine. Mom and dad were introduced and I could hear all the laughs that they were getting as I watched from the wings. They took their bow gave me a big hug and the MC introduced me. I walked out and for the first time I was on a professional stage. Walking out on that stage was so frightening, the spot light blinded me I couldn’t see the audience, which was probably a good thing standing on stage and being able to see that many people might have been overwhelming.  It took me a couple of seconds to gain my composure and think about what my first joke was. I began to speak and heard my voice through the preview speakers on the stage and that threw me off, but I continued on and I told my first joke. I got a little bit of laughter. I continued telling my jokes and the laughs continued. I finished my routine took my bow and walked off stage. I was elated that I did it but glad it was over.

The MC walked out called me back out to take a bow and told the audience I was Tulara Lee’s son. I guess my performance was a success. Backstage the agent that booked my parents on the show handed me a $20 bill for my performance. My first paid show.

The first lesson I learned was always be prepared you never know when you might get an opportunity to prove yourself and who knows you may earn $20.

Enjoy the Process

As I approach a milestone next month I have come to the realization that life doesn’t get easier but it can get better. All my life I have lived as if life will become easier in the future. The “grass is always greener” syndrome and because of that way of thinking I believe I may have missed out on some opportunities for happiness because I wasn’t enjoying the process and only thinking of the end result. When you are only focusing on the end result and not enjoying the process quite often the end result is not what you wanted if you even achieve it at all.
Because I didn’t like the process I would come up with excuses not to work towards my goal. I’m tired, I’m too busy, there are not enough hours in the day, etc. When we constantly come up with excuses not to work towards our goals, I think we have to ask ourselves is that a goal we really want to pursue. Maybe it wasn’t what I wanted if I’m not willing to work for it.
In show-business my parents would call working hard and making sacrifices for your goal as “paying your dues.” They would laugh about someone they knew and worked with for years who suddenly became a star as an “overnight sensation.” They would laugh because they knew how long it took them and how hard they worked to become an “overnight sensation.”
Lately in my spare time I have been fixing up my home. After my parents passed I reversed a reverse mortgage to buy back the house I grew up in. Growing up there was such a happy and safe place that brought so many fond memories I had to keep the house. The challenge was the last few years of my mom’s life I was concentrating on taking care of my mother; I kind of neglected the house. Now it’s time to fix up the house, but with all my savings going to pay towards the mortgage I had to become a “DIY” guy. The problem is I am not that good at fixing or building and I don’t really have the patience for it. I just wanted to fast forward ahead and have the end result. Over the last couple of years my thought process has changed, yes I want the end result but now I kind of enjoy the process. I still am not that handy but I have a neighbor, Tom, who is and he enjoys the challenge of fixing things and building things. He comes over and we work on the projects together, many times I am just assisting and learning how it’s done. Because of Tom I am learning to enjoy the process and when we finish a project it’s that much more special because we did it. We accomplished our goal. I also got another benefit from enjoying the process. Tom is not only a good neighbor but he has become a good friend and that is something I wouldn’t have found just looking at the end result.

Friday’s Jokes and Quotes

“Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.” –     Carl Sandburg

“Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.”  – Moms Mabley

“When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.” – Stephen Wright.

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeners.

My next public performance

Hello world! Laughter is a Wellness Program everyone can afford.

Experts tell us as children we used to laugh on the average of about 150 to 400 times a day, but as we grew into adulthood by about the age of 35 we now only laugh on the average of 15 to 17 times a day. As we grow older we let the stresses of our job, society, economics and life wear us down. By increasing our humor quotient back up to the 150 to 400 times a day, I believe we will live a happier and less stressful life. One of the purposes of this blog is to help us find ways in which we can use laughter to live a better life. I believe LAUGHTER IS A WELLNESS PROGRAM EVERYONE CAN AFFORD.